


Morality's Remorse

by Shay_Nioum



Series: Deceit's Hunger [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Good Deceit, M/M, Mentions of Past Events, Morally greyish Patton, Multi, Patton Centric, Sequel to Deceit's Hunger, mentions of injury, sympathetic deceit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-05-26 17:37:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15005933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_Nioum/pseuds/Shay_Nioum
Summary: After the events of Deceit's Hunger, Patton is left to deal with the ramifications of what he has done and try to get back into the other's good graces once again. Of course, he isn't totally alone when it comes to that.





	1. Chapter 1

As much as Patton had wished that everything had resolved itself after he had brought Deceit back from the clutches of the dark sides, as much as he had wished that they had gone on to be one big happy family, he couldn’t have been more wrong about it. He couldn’t even lie to himself and say that things were just a little rocky, because there were times when he was in the same room as the others that Roman, as well as Logan, would either just up and leave, or they would refuse to look at him. What hurt the worst though, had to be with Virgil, he had happily watched as Virgil and Deceit professed their love.

When Deceit had been laying on the carpeted floor of the hallway after they had just narrowly escaped Despair’s clutches, he had watched as Virgil cradled Deceit’s face in his hands a look of intense worry curling over his face. Just for that worry to immediately turn to embarrassment on Virgil’s face as soon as Deceit opened his mouth and spoke.

“God I love you…” Was what the deceitful side had uttered, while his eyes had a seemingly impossible amount of wonder, Deceit looked at Virgil like he was looking at the moon and night sky like the first time. Deceit looked at him like he couldn’t believe that Virgil was kneeling there in front of him, like some dark mysterious knight in shining armor, and Virgil looked back at him.

To be honest, it was exceedingly adorable as Virgil had gripped the front of Deceit’s button up shirt, the collision of their lips had been a messy and uncoordinated one but that had seemed to make it all the better for them. As Virgil finally pulled away from the kiss, his eyes were swimming with tears, but at the same time, he had the kind of smile that at one time Patton had only been able to pull out of him.

“Do..Don’t you ever do that again you hear me? Don’t you ever leave me again.” 

Another kiss sealed that promise, but all the while Patton’s ribs ached and burned when he breathed in, and as the two new lovers were professing said love Patton attempted to stand up. Just to garner the attention of the others as he finally moved.

A stare, a single solitary stare was what said it all for Patton, the burning stare from Virgil, Logan, and Roman was what had told him right then and there.

The guilt, pain, and near crushing disappointment pressed down on his chest like a heavy stone intent on crushing him. It should have been obvious at that very moment, but it took him nearly a week later to understand what that look meant.

They didn’t forgive him, even with how he had helped Deceit in the end and how he had brought him back to Virgil, they would never forgive him for what he had done in the past. 

Patton gripped his pillow now, and biting into it as he heavily breathed out the moral side attempted to muffle the weary sobs that were coming up faster and faster. His ribs protested the actions, as they did with anything that required him to breathe heavily or in this case cry until he had nothing left to cry about. His entire upper torso felt like it had been placed in a vise lately, with practically everyone ignoring him, it had become impossible to make any conversation with anyone. 

Even just a hello! At this point, he would take even that if it meant one of the sides would talk to him.

His fingers clenched the fabric of his pillow tighter and tighter, it physically hurt to curl up into a ball at this point, so he just laid there weeping into his feathery soft pillow, as the memories of nostalgia floated freely around him. Trying to suck him in, trying to make him stay, because if he stayed then he wouldn’t have to go back out and see how the others were ignoring him. Come to think of it-

_ No!  _

That traitorous line of thinking was one that he would not endorse again, if he stayed here then there was a good chance that he wouldn’t ever leave again, and despite it all, he was needed, Patton, Thomas’ morality was very much needed. Even if the others didn’t like him, and even if they only saw his mistake, he was a needed facet of Thomas’ mind and his critical thinking, as Logan had once told him. 

He couldn’t just stay here and never go back out, as tempting as the notion was for him.

It was then that a sharp pain pinched his stomach along with a low grumbling noise, it was usually around the time that he went downstairs to get something to eat for dinner. Adjusting his schedule had taken a while, so that he didn’t accidentally intrude on the others dinner. He had made that mistake once and only once, when he had gone downstairs the moment that he had smelled something absolutely fantastic cooking. Just to find that four plates had put out. 

One for Logan, one for Roman, one for Virgil, and...one for Deceit. 

They hadn’t even thought about including him or even coming to get him when Roman had finished cooking, and it had hurt all the more to see what else, but spaghetti on their plates, and most likely his own recipe from his cookbook that he kept in the kitchen.

That night he hadn’t cared about the pain in his abdomen as he curled up tight, he tried to remain as silent as possible as he cried. But he had always been a loud crier when he was in any sort of pain, and now it was kind of his downfall, to be honest.

As per usual he took his time when getting up, making sure to take slow and steady breaths as he did, once he was up things went a lot smoother and a lot faster. Creaking the door slowly open, and holding the knob in the usual way so that it squeaks when returned to its original position. 

Patton held his breath, listening for the sound of voices downstairs, or any of the usual sounds that came with a group of people occupying one space. Silence answered his own silence. He was good to go. 

Although, his careful movements didn’t end with him shutting the door, as he made his way down the stairs, skipping the usual steps that would squeak or groan when stepped on. He would hate for any sound that he made to wake one of the others up, and then..then he’d have to deal with them looking at him, and he wasn’t sure if he could deal with that same flat stare that said nothing and everything all at once. 

When he made it to the kitchen Patton felt the sigh of relief that had been pent up inside of him rush out all at once, which certainly didn’t help his sore midsection either. But it was a pain that he learned to ignore for the time being as he made his way over to the fridge.

_ There’s gotta be some leftovers, maybe I’ll have cereal tonight or..or I’ll cook some eggs or an omelet!  _

Squinting his eyes at the glare of fridge’s internal light, Patton brightened up at the methodical nature that came with just looking for something to eat. If he was cooking then it was almost like he could pretend that he wasn’t just making food for himself, that he’d have other people to eat with and that he’d get to share. Or that he wasn’t really alone right now.

“Hey…” 

The suddenness of the new voice started him, making Patton raise his head abruptly thumping it against the top of the fridge before he hastily drew it back out, ignoring the throbbing of his skull as he spun back again. 

The words died in his throat at the sight of Deceit, with his hand awkwardly holding his arm while he looked to the floor, Deceit was already in his pajamas. The cute silky button-up pajamas that was spotted with top hats and snakes, and Patton would have made a remark on the outfit, about how it seemed to suit Deceit, or even how the green of the base color brought out the color of the other’s snake eye. He would have, he really would have. But he felt the rubber band ball of those words lodging itself firmly in his throat, refusing to let anything pass. 

Deceit must have seen the sheer nervousness on his face on his face, as he then smiled. “Virgil  **isn’t**  asleep, I  **didn’t** just come down for a glass of water...can I  **not**  join you?” The words despite only some of them being lies, were pretty easy to decipher and the moment that he did, Patton felt his tensed up shoulders sagging in relief before he hastily nodded his head. 

Watching Deceit clamber onto the counter, sitting much like Virgil usual would, warmed something inside of Patton. He was being talked to, Deceit was talking to him without giving him that stare, he had smiled at him without a hint of malice. 

Deceit though, seemed to watch his every move as he cracked the eggs in the pan, adding chopped up bits of basil, chives, and parsley. Before then adding a good helping of cheese and everything else that normally went into making an omelet. Deceit’s eyes followed the movement of Patton’s hand, as he flipped the cooking egg mixture over and over a few times.

“You know…” The deceitful side eventually broke the silence between them. “I  **totally** told you my name did I?” 


	2. Chapter 2

Patton felt himself clamming up at Deceit’s question, and his grip tightened on the spatula that he had been using to flip the omelet, the sizzling of the egg snapped his attention back to his food making him flip it over again before his food could burn. 

“Are you sure that you want me of all people to know your name? Names are..they are something that you generally only give out when you trust someone.” He couldn’t help it, he well and honestly couldn’t help the bitterness seething right under the surface of his tone. 

They had all just...abandoned him after he had tried so hard to make it up to them, after he had tried so hard to make it up to Deceit. It was a surprise that the other was even here right now and even talking to him, he moved the hot pan onto the potholder on the counter. 

“Patton…” Deceit’s voice was uncharacteristically soft, but at the same time, he sounded firm and adamant about something.

Glancing over he saw Deceit sliding off of the counter, and marching over to Patton as the moral side pretty much froze before him. A tiny part, just a sliver of his mind felt fear towards Deceit, after all, this was where it had happened. This was where he had cornered the other and where he had told him that he didn’t belong, he had just..he had been so protective at the time that he hadn’t even stopped to consider Deceit’s feelings, he just hadn’t stopped.

The sensation of cold arms wrapping around him dragged him right out of those twisting spirals of memories, blinking a few times be it to blink away the tears or for another reason, Patton felt Deceit’s hand running up and down the middle of his back. Again and again, until.

“My name  **isn’t** Melas.” Once again Deceit’s...no Melas’ voice was firm when he told Patton this. 

_ He..he does trust me? He trusts me enough to tell me something like this? _

There was a sensation of something welling up inside of Patton, of something ready to burst out, he only became aware of it the very moment that Melas moved to pull away. Patton grabbed ahold him, his fingers clenching the smooth silky fabric of the other’s bedwear continuing to hold him close.

“Just..just for a little while longer...please.”

Deceit’s face that had once shown confusion, melted into the smile as he curled his arms back around Patton, continuing to hold him in the dully lit kitchen and his hands continuously running up and down Patton’s. He could feel his shoulder getting wet, but he said nothing on the matter for the time being, 

So when Patton finally pulled away, Deceit plucked a paper towel from the counter handing it over to Patton, letting him dry his eyes and blow his nose. 

“You  **don’t** need to eat, and I  **won’t** sit with you.” Patton’s head bobbed in agreement as he dried the last of his tears, he didn’t know what he had done to deserve De..Melas being here with him right now, comforting him, and reminding him to eat. But he was certain that whatever it was, it certainly wasn’t enough.

A few moments later the two of them were sat at the table, a cool glass of water was in front of Melas while Patton was happily devouring his omelet and drinking some orange juice. For whatever reason, the egg, cheese, and spices just tasted so much better in the company of another person, it didn’t matter that he was grinning through his meal. He felt..good with this as he listened to Melas talk about a few of the movies he had seen with the others. 

Virgil showing him the Black Cauldron, Logan with his documentaries as well as Doctor Who, and Roman showing him basically every Disney movie under the sun. 

“What  **isn’t** your favorite movie Patton?” Truth be told, Patton felt oddly touched by the question.

“Right now...Lilo and Stitch.” He softly confessed, he had been watching it too much lately, and while there were certainly a lot of feelings in the movie, it gave him hope to watch and to keep watching it over and over. But then again, maybe that was just him. 

For the most part, their conversation had finally drifted away from them, and now they sat in an almost comfortable silence that Patton had desperately been missing within the week that he had spent isolated. Melas fiddled with one of the napkins on the table, his fingers folding it a couple of times before eventually ripping it into tiny pieces. 

He was nervous about something. 

It continued for a while longer as the moral side’s eyes followed the movement of Melas’ fingers, watching how he tore into the napkin and then tore into those tiny pieces. Patton squinted his eyes for a second, before he finally opened his mouth. Just for Deceit to beat him to the punch.

“I  **don’t** want you here for dinner tomorrow, and I really  **don’t** want you to eat with us! Please!” The rush of words left Melas a seeming tidal wave of word vomit, and really, it took a while for Patton as he slumped back down against his chair staring blankly back at Melas as the deceitful side gripped the tattered remains of the napkin tightly in his fist. But even so, he wasn’t done yet.

“Roman  **isn’t** making breakfast for dinner, so..so...will you  **not** please come?” With his hands now pressed flat on the table, Deceit was pleadingly looking back at Patton, begging him with his eyes as well as his words to just...eat with them. 

“Y..You…” Patton swallowed thickly as a new onslaught of tears tried to bubble up and overwhelm him. 

_ Not right now..later but not right now.  _ He coached himself as he took a deep breath before preparing himself to speak again. 

“You...want me to be around with you and the others? To eat with you, and to..to…” Despite his best efforts, he could feel the sting in his eyes and the way that everything became blurry to him, including the vaguely green shape that hastily scooted out from the table making his way over to Patton as he himself remained sitting. 

The familiar sensation of cold arms wrapping around his head, pressing his face into Melas’ midsection was what greeted him, along with the feeling of gentle and patient fingers combing through his mess of a hair. 

“Patton...Patton..Patton…” Only his name was uttered right then, and closing his eyes he felt himself go slack in the grip that held and comforted him. Perhaps it was just the way that the other said it, but Patton, he felt reassurance in the words and even in the presence that stood close to him, holding him like he was nothing more than a child who’d had a nightmare.

All too soon for his tastes, Patton felt the deceitful side’s arms moving, this time reaching for his hand to tug him up to his feet, he was confused for all about two seconds as Melas started to lead him out of the dining room, getting him to abandon his empty plate and glass as they retreated back into the living room. 

With a gentle shove that felt a little bit more like a punch to his ribs, Deceit pushed Patton down on the couch. There was a stubborn look on Deceit’s face the kind of look that Patton realized, he wore whenever it had come to taking care of any of the others. “This will  **not** be our sleepover night, and  **don’t** stay there and  **don’t** pick out a movie for us to watch.” 

A movie? A movie and sleepover night? 

As soon as the pile of movies were laid on Patton’s lap, Melas disappeared around the corner, most likely to go and make popcorn. Meanwhile leaving Patton to deal with the warmth blossoming inside of his chest, for once, for once he’d be alright and for the first time in a week he’d be able to do something as simple as watch a movie with someone else. 

Maybe things really were looking up after all. Maybe things really were going to get better for him. Hearing the sound of popcorn kernels popping away in the microwave, that was all that Patton could really hope for.


	3. Chapter 3

When Patton woke up he felt the smooth fabric rubbing against his cheek, opening his eyes he was greeted with a spectacular view of a massive blur stretching out all around him. Mumbling a little to himself he pulled his arm out from under the blanket that it had been tucked under, and flailing his arm out his palm smacked against the coffee table a few time before his fingers finally blindly grasped his glasses.

A little whine left him as he almost poked himself in the eyes with the earpiece of his glasses, it took a few moments for everything to finally come back to him. The night with De..no Melas, the movies that they had watched, popcorn, and the exhaustion tugging at his eyelids that had made him close his eyes and eventually drift off into unconsciousness. 

He knew for a fact though that he hadn’t been covered up when he had fallen asleep though, and glancing down at the blankets that had carefully been placed over him, while also making sure to tuck his feet in as well. That warm sensation that had bubbled up in his chest, came right on back as a tiny smile adorned his face. 

Although the smile laster for all about two seconds before the smell of something cooking in the air made his nose twitch, his gaze snapped over to the kitchen, the sound of someone humming could be heard which let Patton know right off the bat that Roman was making breakfast of some kind. It was right then and there that he felt just about every single bone and muscle in his body tense up, he felt locked into place as he heard the shuffling of socks along with the floor. He was awake and the other side was about to see him, and then...then…

Then he wasn’t sure.

His body refused to move itself, to make him sink out so that he could retreat back to his room and remain hiding there until Melas came to get him for dinner. Because there was no way he could do this on his own, there was no way that he could stand, or in his case, sit here and just take their accusatory stares like it meant nothing to him. But for the life of him he couldn’t move, where was the strength that he’d had when he’d dragged Melas away from the dark sides? Where was the strength that he had wielded when he had punched Despair in the face?

The footsteps got closer and closer, until he finally the belt of a bright red bathrobe fluttered around the corner of the kitchen wall and the other side walked into the living room. 

But it wasn’t the side he had honestly expected.

A pair of sleepy eyes hidden behind well-worn glasses, and tousled curly hair that flopped in the logical side’s face was what greeted him. Logan’s bleary tired eyes stared back at him for a second, almost as if he was confused with the sight before him. In his hands though, he held two mugs, one which held the entire periodic table on the curved ceramic of the mug, and the other..the other was a soft baby blue one that was decorated with a teddy bear that had a heart stitched onto the center of its chest. 

It was his, it was his mug that Logan was holding. The terrified feeling that had gripped his chest and refused to let him go, eased up a little as Logan shuffled closer setting the mugs down on the coffee table where Patton’s glasses had once laid. 

“Scoot.” Came the gruff voice that was still plenty thick from sleep.

Patton hastily followed the orders though, scrunching his legs up tight to his chest, he hoped that Logan didn’t want him completely gone from the couch or that he wouldn’t order him to outright leave the room. They hadn’t done this in a long while, at least since Logan had gotten together with Roman. 

A heavy sigh of relief left Logan though, as he flopped back onto the couch and he raised his arm resting it on the backrest of the couch as he grasped for the remote control. Patton watched him the entire time, and when Logan’s eyes darted over to him the moral side speedily looked away so to not be caught staring. 

When Logan finally found the remote that had somehow found its way in between the couch cushions, he paused for a second before pressing the power button and bringing the tv to life. Within seconds he felt his eyes brighten up with excitement, as on the screen, Winnie the Pooh was playing.

Leaning in, he grabbed his cup that was still full of warm peppermint tea, something which Logan always made for him if Patton was ever feeling sad or if...Logan was trying to apologize for something but didn’t have the right words for it. 

A mushy feeling erupted inside of his stomach, and Patton, in every which way wanted to set his cup down and throw himself into a hug. He wanted to wrap his arms around Logan and spin the poor nerd around a thousand times, he wanted to tell every dad pun in the entire world just to see Logan’s exasperated but well-meaning expression of dread towards every pun. But he didn’t, instead tucking into his tea as he casually leaned back against Logan’s arm that had been resting on the back of the couch for some time.

Upon doing so, he felt the warmth of Logan’s hand come to rest on his left shoulder and his arm slowly curling more steadily around the moral side, this alone surprised him. Seeing as Logan of all people had never been the kind of person, or rather the side to go to when physical affection was needed. He was the kind of side who would reassure someone with words above all else, not that he was complaining or anything. 

Especially as he rested his cheek against Logan’s shoulder, contently watching Winnie the Pooh as the both of them remained silent as ever. 

When the sounds of the others getting up could be heard upstairs though, after a good hour of watching tv with Logan, Patton almost expected the logical side to pull away or to deny that their little moment had happened. Instead, though, Patton felt tears of happiness springing up as Logan patted the top of his head moving to collect their now empty mugs of tea, before glancing over to him. 

“I missed doing this...we should do it more often.” Patton jarringly nodded his head, almost so fast that it made his glasses become displaced for a second, happiness above all else was blooming inside of his chest like a water lily.

“I..I’d really like to that Lo. I’d love to do it again with you.” He honestly, certainly not missing the tiny smile that curled onto Logan’s lips, before he got up taking their mugs into the kitchen to be washed. Leaving Patton to wade through the onslaught of happy emotions that reassured him, that things were getting better, little by little things were getting better.

_ Logan was right...if things were happy in the past..they can certainly be happy in the future.  _ Patton assured himself, as he listened to Logan humming around the corner as the water from the sink was running.

_ Things will be happy in the future. _


	4. Chapter 4

Later that day, after some deep thinking and some time to himself Melas finally managed to catch Virgil alone, it really shouldn’t have been that hard, given that Virgil wasn’t constantly being hounded by the other sides. It was just that Melas, had been stewing over the words that he’d say to his lover, about what he would say and just how he would approach the subject. Virgil, dearest Virgil, had been furious when he’d found out how badly Patton had scared him, if Melas had wanted it, he was certain that Virgil would have snapped Patton’s neck. 

So for a good portion of the day, as he paced back and forth inside of his room gnawing on the inside of his cheek aptly ignoring the dull pain that the action caused. Melas went over the possible ways that he could bring up such a thing with Virgil, Logan had been easy, a mere mention of how the moral side was fairing without company let alone his family and Logan’s unused heartstrings were being tugged at his command.

Virgil, however, likely wouldn’t be fooled so easily, and he also likely wouldn’t give two hoots about how Patton was feeling lately unless he directly told the anxious side that he wanted him to be nice to Patton.

Melas ran his fingers through his thick curly hair as a sign of disappointment left him in a quick rush, being sneaky wouldn’t work with Virgil, and he really didn’t want it too either. His and Virgil’s relationship wasn’t built on him lying to his lover, it was built..it was built on his truths and the weaknesses that he had allowed Virgil to see when he had been at his lowest moments. 

“I can’t…” Melas muttered, his shoulders slumping dejectedly and most certainly in defeat at his conundrum that he was going through.

Until, he felt the warm pair of arms curling around his middle and an equally warm and soft pair of lips pressing against the nape of his neck. A shudder rolled down his spine at the action as Virgil grinned triumphantly against his neck. 

“Can’t what?” The anxious side mumbled, his warm breath washing over him, and had his resolve not been weak before, it most certainly was now as Melas felt his legs becoming more akin to jello than anything else. His breath caught in his throat, but in a terrified manner, more like when you were staring at something..or in this case, someone so utterly beautiful that it simply stole his breath away before he even had a chance to get a single word out. 

A warm blush swamped over Melas’ face, and his scales rippled, shining and reflecting that perfect rosy-green that Virgil just loved to be the cause of. Loosening the grip of his arms around Melas’ waist he allowed the other to turn around, welcoming the cooler feel of the deceitful side’s arms around him. Although, Virgil soon frowned at the touch of Melas’ face burying into his shoulder, and the cold fingers tangled into his own smooth hair his knuckles rubbing slowly against his scalp as if Virgil’s own state of mind made himself feel all the better.

“Mel?” Virgil’s voice was soft and low, barely a whisper in Melas’ ear as his arms curled more sturdily around the other holding him firmly in place and not allowing him to weasel out of his concern or the answers that he wanted.

Another shuddering sigh rolled free from Melas’ lips, and at such a simple action the deceitful side felt Virgil’s fingers gripping the fabric of his shirt that much tighter. There was really no escaping it now, he NEEDED to tell Virgil, keeping secrets and worst of all...lying wouldn’t make the other feel any better, if anything it would only serve to create and deepen a divide between them. 

He didn’t want that, Melas wanted to hold onto Virgil for as long as he could, he wanted the other’s love for as long as he could have it. Before the anxious side grew tired of the lies that he couldn’t help, and his ugly snake face. Right now though, he wouldn’t lie, not while they were in his bedroom. Where the truth could freely leave him.

“I am worried…” He finally confessed, Melas wanted to keep holding Virgil close as the anxious side pulled away for a moment. His dark gaze searched Melas’ with almost an equal amount of worry in his stare, but even so, Melas continued on. 

“It’s about Patton.” Almost instantly Melas raised his hand up his fingertips laying themselves over Virgil’s lips the moment that the anxious side’s eyes narrowed dangerously and his mouth had opened at the simple yet possible damning words. “I am worried  **about** Patton.” He clarified, his fingers lingering just a moment longer on Virgil’s lips before he slowly removed them, this time he said nothing merely allowing Melas to continue.

“I am worried about how much time Patton has been spending alone, with no one there to help him after he helped him. He..he risked quite a lot for me, Virge, he could have just went on with his life but he risked his life to get me away from..from them. I know that asking you to forgive him is a tall order, but I’m not asking that of you. I just…” 

“You want me to give him a chance…” Virgil finished his sentence for him, and Melas eagerly bobbed his head in a nod, hoping that Virgil would at least understand some of what he was trying to convey to him. A small ember of hope burned in his belly, perhaps, just perhaps that with Logan, himself, and Virgil on his side it would make it that much easier to make everything right again.

That hope drained out of him though, as Virgil stepped back away from Melas, and the deceitful side couldn’t help himself from pitifully reaching out to grasp the lapels of Virgil’s jacket. His fingers just managed to brush the zipper of the jacket, before Virgil had already moved too far away from him as he raked both of his hands through his fringe ruffling it up as his lips curled into a deep frown. 

“He hurt you!” The other side snarled suddenly, as he spun right back around to face Melas. His eyes burned with a furious kind of passion that wasn’t directly aimed at the deceitful side, “He terrified you so much! When I saw you with him, you..you were curled up on the floor freaking out! He..he…” The palms of Virgil’s hands pressed against his face as a mix between a muffled groan and sob left him, he looked absolutely dejected even if Melas couldn’t see his face. 

“I know.” He suddenly said, as he reached forward placing his hand on Virgil’s shoulder giving it a firm squeeze rather than gathering the anxious side in his arms like he so dearly wanted to do. 

Dragging his fingers downward and smearing the eyeshadow along his cheeks before glancing over to Melas, and searching the deceitful side’s face Virgil’s tensed up shoulders finally released the apprehension that had built up within minutes. Looking into Melas’ eyes though, Virgil felt ready to finally release that anger and frustration he had been holding onto in regards to Patton. 

“You forgive him...don’t you?” He finally asked, watching as Melas’ eyes darted down to their feet, before he finally saw the almost shy nod from his significant other. “Then if you forgive him...then I will try, for you, I will try.” Virgil conceded. 

Now opening his arms open wide in an apologetic hug, that Melas gratefully accepted. 

Everything was finally...finally falling into place around them.


	5. Chapter 5

At dinner there wasn’t a lot that Roman was expecting, they’d eat together sure, but after that, it was always up in the air on whether or not they would go and watch a movie, or if they’d head upstairs and do something else. Sometimes he and Logan would settle in the logical side’s room and he would just watch as Logan put together a puzzle on his desk or he rest against Logan’s side while he read one of his books, until Roman could no longer keep his eyes together. 

What Melas and Virgil did he wasn’t too certain, he’d hear some commotion downstairs and sometimes he figured that they were baking or just down there for a midnight snack. It never, in the week that had passed since Melas came into their family, occurred to him to think that maybe it was just Patton. 

“Are you still angry at him?” He recalled Logan asking him one night, as Roman’s cheek was resting on Logan’s chest, listing to the steady thumping of his dear one’s heart.

When his eyes flickered up to look at Logan’s face, he saw uncertainty and worst of all guilt there, seeing such an expression on his lover Roman chewed his bottom lip before letting out a deep sigh that made him sink even deeper into the logical side’s arms. There was really no easy way to explain just how angry he could be at someone, let alone someone who he had constantly trusted, someone he had never thought to not trust. 

Patton was..Patton had been someone that Roman knew he could go to when he was having a rough day, someone that he could rely on if he really and honestly needed to. So to learn he had done something, done something that Roman would have even felt guilty about had he done it. It made him feel...betrayed, in the oddest sense of the word.

Had he done what Patton had done to Virgil, then he would not have heard the end of it from Patton or Logan. Patton would have known that it was wrong to do it to Virgil, but what admittedly confused him most of all was the fact that Patton thought that it was alright to do it to Melas. 

If it was wrong for one, shouldn’t it have been wrong for all? 

“I am angry.”  Roman finally confessed, I am angry at...his actions and I am angry at his lack of empathy when he did what he did.” 

The feeling of a hand running through his hair eased his muscles that he wasn’t even aware that had tensed up at the mention of Patton, Logan’s position shifted and before he knew it Roman felt the sensation of lips being pressed against the top of his head. For a second his eyes closed at the simple yet relaxing touch of his significant other, he wasn’t certain how Logan did it, but just being in his arms just being held and kissed by him made everything calm down. 

“I just don’t want to let it go!” He blurted out after a minute of listening to Logan’s heart, “I hate it, I really hate what he did, and I know that Melas has forgiven him but..but how? Why? Why on earth would Patton do it? I know that he wants to protect us sometimes, but..but there were better ways. He didn’t just have to..have to…” 

“He broke your view of him.” Logan’s rumbling voice stopped Roman’s rambling, making him look up to, the deep brown eyes that were hidden by the black frames of his glasses but at the same time, managed to look right into him and see the truths. 

Without a word though, Roman nodded his head solemnly. 

 

So back into the kitchen, Roman was not expecting a lot that night as he set out the dishes and silverware. However, to see Patton slinking in next to Melas, and squeeze a seat right between the deceitful side and Virgil, made his hand freeze as he had been setting down the silverware where Logan usually sat. Within seconds his jaw clenched to the point of where his teeth were grinding against one another, and his lungs began to burn in his chest.  It was only when he took a second to inhale that he even realized that he had been holding his breath, but seeing him there, him of all people sitting there next to Virgil and Melas almost like nothing had even happened was more than enough for Roman. 

With a quick and sudden movement of his hands slamming against the dining room table, the silverware clattered on the table along with the plates and cups. Melas instantly reached out steading the things in front of him before they could fall to the ground and break. The looks that everyone gave Roman were thick with tension as somewhere between gut-gnawing fear and the absolute terror on Patton’s part, as pretty much everyone held their breath at that moment. 

“What…” Roman practically growled out, his voice thick with hostility, “Is  **he** doing here?”

The gesture that he made to Patton, had the moral side flinching back out of the way of his hand in fear that the creative side would hit him or something, the action hurt Roman somewhat. As if he of all people would physically hurt Patton, or as if he would ever attempt to lay a hand on him like that. Because he wasn’t like that, he wasn’t…like Patton. 

“Roman please…” The soft timber of Patton’s voice did nothing to stop his oncoming wrath.

“Please what? Please, what Patton?! Go on tell me! PLEASE WHAT?!” Roman roared, his fists shook the table again and this time some of the cups wobbled a little bit too much, making them fall right off the edge.

Nobody looked though, and not a single soul cared as Roman loomed over the table looking the moral side right in the eyes as his upper lip curled into an ugly sneer. His knuckles turned white though with the force of how much he was clenching his fists, and his shoulders remained as stiff as ever as he darkly looked down at Patton. 

In his anger Roman didn’t hear the soft heartbreaking sniffles coming from Patton, nor did he see the line of tears trailing down his cheeks as the moral side sat in his chair staring up at the creative side with a look of genuine fear on his face while his shoulders instinctively curled inward attempting to make himself smaller in his eyes. His mouth refused to open and the words refused to come up and make themselves known, just talking felt impossible in the wake of Roman’s shouting. So much so that he could only tilt his head down as more tears trailed down his face and he did all that he could in order to keep the sobs that wanted to bubble up silent.

Nobody said anything either, nobody said a single word until...

“That is enough Roman.” The sound of one of the chairs squealing as it was roughly pushed back caught Patton’s attention as he blinked through the tears, and saw a dark shape opposite to him standing up. The streak of blue though let him know just who it was that was defending him.

Logan.

The logical side’s stance was tense as his narrowed eyes practically glared over to Roman in a way that Patton could only imagine was the look that quarreling lovers looked at each other like when they were in public and couldn’t yet yell at each other. Logan though to his credit took a deep and steadying breath before he spoke again, although he still sounded just as angry as when he had spoken before.

“Bedroom. Now.” And just like that, the two of them were gone, leaving a stark silence in the wake of Roman’s absence. 

Patton’s gaze though soon snapped over to Virgil and Melas, as soon as he felt a pair of arms encompass him, Virgil’s hand rubbed his back up and down. Allowing him to bury his face into the anxious side’s jacket, absolutely soaking it with his tears.


	6. Chapter 6

For the longest time, nothing but silence stretched between Logan and Roman, the tension in the air felt so thick that a dull butter knife would have been able to cut it with ease. Even so, Roman’s eyes felt compelled to look at Logan’s floor instead of meeting the eyes of his clearly perturbed lover who stood there as stiff as a board with his arms crossed and his foot tapping like a teacher or a parent just waiting to scold their child for something that he had done wrong. 

But this time Roman didn’t feel shame, and he sure as hell didn’t feel sorry for the words that he had spat in Patton’s face, Logan could tap his foot all that he wanted to and he could stand there with that cute and delectable pout on his face with his ruffled expression that seemed more suited to a blue jay, until all of the blood in Roman’s body drained to his feet and he fainted. Because he wasn’t going to budge and he wasn’t going to apologize, no matter what.

“Roman…” The silence was finally broken, and by just the person that Roman expected to break it first. Be that as it may, there was something in Logan’s voice that made Roman’s eyes drift up from the smooth wooden floor as the sound of the springs in the bed squealing told him that Logan was no longer standing, but sitting on his bed. 

His gaze drifted over Logan’s face, and it took an actual honest effort to not give in right there and then at the tired...no the downright exhausted look in Logan’s eyes. When the other side slid his glasses off pinching at the slope of his nose, Roman caught a good look of the circles under Logan’s eyes.

_ How long have those been there? How much sleep has he been getting when he isn’t with me? Is he alright? Is he sick? How didn’t I notice? _

All of these thoughts churned inside of Roman’s stomach like a cauldron full of an icky green bubbling poison that would destroy all that it touched, his annoyance, as well as his determination, slowly ebbed away as he slunk over to the bed. His mouth felt oddly dry as he watched Logan clean his glasses with the hem of his shirt before sliding them back onto his face, it was almost like watching a theatre mask slide back into place with how he saw the slump of Logan’s shoulders going away as he straightened up as stiff and straight as a ruler. His face regaining that pinched look instead of the drained and beaten down look that he had seen just seconds prior, was Logan…

“Listen Roman.” The logical side’s clipped and scarily hollow voice made a chill go up Roman’s spine as he swallowed past the lump in his throat, “This cannot continue, truthfully I do not care how you do it, or what it takes to get it done. But...forgive Patton, even if its something as small as giving him a cookie, at this point he will accept whatever you give him. I...I’m just...” 

A deep and ragged sigh shuddered Logan’s body, and without thinking Roman reached forward his hand gingerly cupping the back of his significant other’s neck. His thumb moved in a familiar pattern rubbing at the bundle of tensed muscles, and just like that Logan’s body tilted forward so that his head was suddenly resting against Roman’s abdomen. 

“Lo...I don’t know if I even  **can** forgive him, you may or may not understand it but..but…” Truth be told, Roman wasn’t certain if he could even put it into words anymore, he didn’t know why but he couldn’t, he couldn’t let go of the resentment that filled him every time he saw, every time he thought about, and every time Patton was mentioned in the mindscape. It filled him with such a feeling of rage and betrayal that he almost felt like one of those people that collected things, but no matter what it came to, they just could let those things go. It wasn’t even something that he could properly explain, perhaps he was being a little selfish clinging to it, especially when Melas had clearly forgiven Patton.

Beneath him though, another deep shuddering sigh left Logan, and this time..this time Roman got the feeling that Logan was repressing a lot more than exhaustion as felt a wetness forming on his shirt.

The familiar sensation of guilt gnawed at him like a hungry gutter rat, forgiving Patton was one thing, but to see and to one hundred percent know that he was making his dearly beloved cry right here in front of him was another thing entirely. 

Roman’s hands moved quickly as he seized Logan, and before he knew it, he was kneeling before his lover. The sensation of warm tears running down his hands as Logan tried to pull his head away so that Roman couldn’t see the tears that he was shedding, only made the creative side feel that much worse about pretty much everything.

“Lo..Lo-bug please..please talk to me. What’s wrong? Please?” Roman found himself begging on his knees right in front of Logan, the shake of the other’s head and the half-hearted turn that the logical side didn’t have the heart to do made Roman all the more determined. 

“Please, please Logan talk to me. I..I hate seeing you like this, you…”  _ You never cry.  _ Was left unsaid between the both of them, and even so, Logan dragged the palm of his hand over his face disrupting his glasses in an attempt to clear away his tears. It tore Roman up inside to see the attempt, as if Logan, someone who rarely ever cried about anything, had no idea on how to properly wipe away his own tears. Roman’s thumb drifted over Logan’s cheek, wiping away a stray eyelash that had landed on Logan’s face still staring up at his star’s eyes begging him with his own eyes to just tell him.

And just like that Logan cracked, one tear silently moving down his cheek until Roman swept it away again, and just like that he was done.

“I..I just…” Logan’s voice cracked audibly, and wincing as he was at the sound of his own voice, he went on ahead as he carded his fingers through Roman’s soft styled hair. “I’m tired Roman...I’m just so tired, I..I miss it. I miss it when all of us were a family, and I miss being able to walk around without you looming the second that you think that you see Patton. I miss our movie nights, I miss all of us sitting at the table and being happy, and Ro as much as I love your cooking...I miss Patton being the first one up and I miss him just knowing what we want for breakfast and...and I miss his smile, Ro. There’s so much…” 

Locking his arms around Logan, Roman instantly tugged him as close as he physically could, allowing Logan’s wet face to press against his neck. His hands trailed up and down as he rubbed Logan’s back, all the while he stared blankly ahead at the wall that had some kind of poster on it. 

_ How did I miss it? How do I miss something like this? How on earth did I not notice? _

The guilt had gotten larger and even worse now, how could he just have steamrolled Logan’s feelings with his own stubborn need? Sure Logan wasn’t the most vocal about the things that he liked and wanted, but over time Roman had come to know him in their relationship, this was something that he should have seen. 

He should have seen Logan’s need for Patton, just...just as he should have seen his own, and yet he didn’t. 


	7. Chapter 7

The sound of the door shutting upstairs quickly followed by Roman rising up in the kitchen made Patton’s head snap up to attention, he felt Virgil’s grip tightening on his arm as if he was prepared to fight Roman should he start yelling at Patton again. A gentle squeeze from the moral side had Virgil easing his grip though as Roman looked to hesitate for just a split second before he stepped forward. 

The flinch that rattled Patton wasn’t intentional, but he could tell that just from the look on Roman’s face as his fingers clenched and he drew back into himself, he saw that it had hurt the creative side regardless of whether it was intentional or not.

That flinch, just the flinch alone made a stabbing pain sweep through him, Logan crying in front of him was a damn painful thing to experience, and seeing Patton borderline terrified of him was coming in at a close second. He wished to explain, he wished that he could properly put it into words, but seeing the scathing stare from Virgil and the somewhat sympathetic look from Melas. Roman knew that he couldn’t do it here, not in front of everyone. Logan he could handle, and even Patton, but not everyone else.

So it took Roman a second to control the emotions and all that he wanted to let loose and all of the things he wanted to show Patton that he was feeling. Instead, he took a moment to center himself, a deep shuddering breath helped him to just stop for a second and to prepare himself, even the feeling of Logan’s hand on his back the warm steadiness of it was a reassuring presence that he desperately needed. The encouraging look that he could practically feel coming from Logan also helped as well, before he stepped forward once again.

He could do this, and it was time to show Patton that as well.

“Patton,” He began slowly, in front of him Roman’s fingers plucked and messed with one of the loose strands of his bright red sash, his nervousness was made quite apparent right from the beginning. Even if he made sure that his voice was calm, knowing that the other had likely been scared half to death from the yelling he had done before. “If you’d like to come with me...I would like to show you something, Logan will be joining us as well.” 

Looking at it that way, that was perhaps the only reason that Patton agreed to even go with Roman, with the promise of at least one person being there who did not actively hate his guts and would protect him if Roman’s little surprise went south. In the end, the creative side felt almost like he was holding his breath as he watched Patton pat Virgil’s hand. Letting Virgil know that it was alright to let him go, and that Virgil could stop glaring so much at Roman. Although Roman could hardly blame him, out of all of them Virgil was the most protective, right next to Patton and then Roman.

Honestly speaking, Roman felt even more shocked that Patton had agreed to come with them than if he had refused to, but looking back at Patton and Logan as the moral side hooked his pinky around the logical side’s, it was plenty obvious why he had decided to come in the first place. Roman really and truly tried to not let that fact get him down too much as he led the both of them to his room, the nervous butterflies in his stomach made him feel like he was going to be sick any second as he rested the palm against the painted surface of his door. 

He hadn’t felt like this since..since…

A tingle ran up his arm when the insides of his room were done rearranging themselves, and ducking his head down Roman felt a nervous flush crawling over his cheeks, on the tips of his ears, and all the way down his neck. He’d never felt this nervous before. 

“Patton…” Roman’s tongue felt like it was glued to the roof of his mouth, or he had somehow swallowed a mouthful of sand. “Whatever happens in here..and whatever I say, you don’t have to feel pressured into anything. Understand?” 

Those words alone left Patton with a sinking troubled feeling as Roman’s hand turned the golden knob of his door pushing it open as Logan guided him inside by the warmth of his hand. 

At first, it was impossibly hard to see, it was only when his vision finally cleared that he saw all of it.

“Holy crap…” The pure awe in Patton’s voice was something to behold, and that alone made the warm fuzzy feeling in Roman’s chest grow and an almost sappy smile form on his face.

Without even having to walk a single step, they all found themselves atop the highest hill that Patton had ever seen in his life and the view was something to behold. They were in the perfect winter wonderland, with miles upon miles of snow all converging to one point. The hill where they stood and the tree that shaded them from the snow that was falling down like a light dusting of confectioner sugar, the tree itself was absolutely gorgeous with pure light icy blue blossoms opening up on the tree releasing a sweet scent of sugar cookies into the air. 

Everything about the place seemed so utterly perfect, that Patton couldn’t help but to be caught up in all of it. He never wanted to look away from the place that Roman and his brilliant mind had created, the snow in all of its beauty didn’t even feel cold. It felt soft, like the stuffing in that went into making teddy bears. Even when Logan sat down among the roots to watch what was about to happen, Patton didn’t even notice all of what was happening. As he dipped his hands into the snow, he came up with two handfuls before he gave into temptation putting some into his mouth. 

_ It...it tasted like cotton candy! How on earth was that even possible?!  _ Patton really wasn’t sure as to how it could even be, and he certainly didn’t want to know as a giddy laugh left him. 

With the biggest smile on his face, the moral side turned his attention over to Logan, just to gain a confused look on his face as the logical side shook his head pointing over to Roman. 

“Not me Pat...he’s not done yet.” Logan helpfully supplied, a warm affectionate grin was on his face, or rather, as usual, the corner of the side of his lips tugged and pulled up the tiniest bit. Even if his eyes showed all the warmth that was needed to get the idea across. He was happy with this, and he was happy that Patton was smiling again. 

The smile on Patton’s face was hidden away the moment that the moral side turned to look at Roman per Logan’s request, although it wasn’t hidden away because of anything awful like he had suspected in the kitchen. Instead, his hands flew up to his mouth, covering it in the universal sign of shock or surprise, at the sight of Roman kneeling down before him on one knee nervously smiling up at him. 


	8. Chapter 8

Truth be told, Roman had never felt more fear and tension wracking his body than he did in that very moment as he stared up at Patton, the other’s warm chocolate brown eyes both pinned him to the spot and made him feel as if his insides were nothing but mush all at the same time. He was even surprised that he had gotten this far with Patton, and seeing that the moral side hadn’t left after he had kneeled down in front of him, he counted that as a major win.

The only problem now was that for the life of him, Roman couldn’t get the words that he wanted to come..to come out. It was like the bundle of words that he wanted to spill out were all trapped behind a steel prison door, with not a single one able to escape its lock and key. That was when the panic slowly started to bubble up, he needed to say something, anything really, and yet...he just couldn’t. 

What would Patton say if he just continued to kneel there not saying a word and looking like an utter fool of himself? His eyes roamed all over Patton’s freckled face, or at least the part of it that was visible to him seeing as the moral side’s hands still covered his mouth in a display of shock, he needed to say something and fast. But what? What? What? What? 

It was only when his eyes wandered over to Logan who was resting at the base of the tree, and seeing the logical side’s creased and also concerned look that was just full of the purest kind of love towards himself as well as Patton, did Roman feel himself loosening up a little bit. A deep shuddering breath rattled his body like starting the engine to an old car, but after that, he smoothly reached forward silently asking for one of Patton’s hands without an ounce of the tension he still felt.

Without even questioning it, Patton gave him his hand, perhaps it was the shock of the moment or just a lapse in judgment. But he didn’t hesitate to give Roman his hand when the charming creative side so wordlessly asked for it. He felt like he was holding his breath though, waiting for whatever would soon spill out of Roman be it something hateful or something...else. 

Whatever it was, Patton was sure that he had Logan on his side to if it did turn out to be something awful.

“Patton,” Roman slowly began, and the moral side in question felt something tightening in his chest as the creative side looked down at his hand, his lips pulling into a frown as his shoulders sagged. “I would like to apologize for my behavior at the breakfast table this morning. You..you gained Melas’, Virgil’s, and Logan’s forgiveness for the mistake that you made in the past, and yet...I refused to let go. For that I am sorry.” 

Here Roman let out another sigh before his eyes worriedly darted up to look at Patton, just to widen somewhat as he felt the hand in his grasp completely pull away from him. Within in a split second, he was sure that he had ruined it, that Patton was not only not going to forgive him as well, but instead run to Logan’s arms instead, thoroughly breaking Roman’s heart in one fell swoop. However, with those same wide vulnerable eyes open and staring at the other, he watched as the moral side crouched down before him sitting in the snow that felt neither cold or uncomfortable. 

A quick movement of fingers snatching at the front of his shirt jerked Roman into a tight yet warm embrace, as Patton nestled his face into Roman’s shoulder. Despite the tears welling up an absolutely overjoyed smile curled onto his lips as he hugged Roman tight against his chest, he wasn’t even sure if he would even be able to let him go if prompted, and somehow he was alright with that. 

“I..I..” Thickly swallowing Patton felt himself go limp against Roman, feeling the other’s arms slowly wrapping around his waist pulling him even closer. “I have dreamed that you would forgive me, but never..never could I have imagined that it would actually happen.” Patton gushed before hastily attempting to wipe away the tears that were going to stain Roman’s shirt, only the tears wouldn’t stop coming. Never before had he felt such an overwhelming sense of relief, and now he couldn’t even stop the mass of tears from trailing down his face.

He had thought that out of everyone Roman would never have forgiven him, that he would live forever and have the creative side constantly scowling at him, and that he would be forever alone. Or he had at least thought that, until his wonderful morning with Logan, who had managed to revitalize his hope when it came to the others.  

Speaking of the logical side, however, Logan watched them hugging together in the snow with a warm look on his face before he pushed himself to his feet wandering over to the two sides before kneeling down next to Patton. Summoning a tissue he offered it to him, letting him dry his tears only to inwardly melt at the teary smile that was aimed at him. Just to see the smile, no matter how many tears clung to it, made him feel a bursting sensation of warmth in his chest that Logan had only ever felt in the arms of Roman.

When Patton leaned his head over resting it on his shoulder though, that was when the logical side felt his face heat up and his cheeks all the way to his ears pinken. Glancing over to Roman, he saw the exact same look on his face and when their eyes locked it was like they both knew exactly what the other wanted at that moment.

They had both talked about it, after Roman had helped him dry his own tears from his own breakdown that was.

“You like him.” Roman had bluntly stated as they both settled on the bed together, and with Logan’s cheek resting on his shoulder as he curled his own arm around his nerd, Roman felt a deep sigh rattling the other before he felt the logical side nod.

“I...do like him.” Logan had confessed, and now that he admitted it, allowing himself to feel it was a lot easier than he thought that it would be. For the longest time he had thought that he would be content with just being a friend to Patton, and when he had confessed his love to Roman he had thought that over time his love for Patton would eventually fade away as well. He was in no way aware that this wasn’t how love worked, and as much as he loved Roman, as much as he showered him in it. He still cared for Patton in the same way he did with Roman.

The guilt was a constant reminder of that feeling, the guilt of him feeling something for someone while he was still in a relationship with someone else.

“That is a problem…” Roman finally spoke up, and with those four words, Logan felt his heart leap up into his throat, fearing the words that would soon leave his lover’s lips. The words that would tell Logan that they could no longer be together, or that he never wanted to see Logan again or even..even that he hated Logan for keeping this secret from him. “Because I..I like him as well.” That, however, was not expected.

Glancing up to catch a glimpse of Roman’s face or even his expression, what Logan saw was pure confusion at its finest. Jutting out slightly was Roman’s bottom lip as he puffed his cheeks a little in contemplation, and just like any other time that Roman felt confused by anything his eyebrows pushed together in such a way that Logan wanted to poke at it in order to remind his lover that he was indeed frowning in such a way.

“Maybe it's not a problem.” Logan finally said, and seeing Roman blink a few times before looking over to him, he offered the creative side a patient look before carrying on. “Based on the Thomas’ past information of the many relationships he has witnessed. Polyamorous relationship are not all that uncommon by today’s standards, of course, we would have to see if Patton would ever agree to such a thing or if he even likes us in such a way. If he doesn’t then..he doesn’t, and if he does, then he does and we can work from there.”

Logan summed up his thought just to instantly be jostled as soon as Roman hastily sat up in bed, feeling his shoulders being seized by the creative side he went stiff up until the moment that he was suddenly having the life kissed out of him by an enthusiastic Roman. Within seconds not only was he a blushing mess from the kiss, but he was more than a little ruffled when the creative side suddenly pulled away. Although, he soon calmed down as Roman tenderly cupped his cheeks a massive smile on his face.

“My darling dearest nerd, you’re so smart.” Roman gushed, and just like that the plan for formulated between them.


End file.
